Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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