guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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