Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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