I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
