He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
