The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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