Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
