she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
