I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
