I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
