the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
