Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
