You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
