wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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