I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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