Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
