My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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