Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
