Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
