Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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