The best revenge is premature balding
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
