She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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