Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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