I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
