All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
