how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
