i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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