Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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