so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
