spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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