So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
