I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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