The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
