I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
