i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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