so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
love makes seman taste better
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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