Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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