I've blown a few things in my day
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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