I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
