You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
