get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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