Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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