I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
