i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
