I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
