i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
