There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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