some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
