her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
