dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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