turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm like, not good at living.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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