Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
