i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
