Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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