The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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