His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
